New Home

So as many of you know, Alexis and I bought a loft in October.  Long story short, we love it.  I do not know how, but we found a home cooler than I ever thought I would have for our first home let alone ever.  But that's not why we are gathered here today.  We are gathered here (by we I mean me) today to discuss the complete identity crisis it took for me to leave Downtown Los Angeles.  

To make a long story longer, here is a little bit of background...I moved to LA from Milwaukee where I lived with all my friends and was having the time of my life.  I followed a girl to LA after never being here.  I hated it.  We hated it.  I like to think of myself as a relatively grounded individual, and living in West Hollywood threw me into a fucking tailspin of inadequacy and self doubt. I felt uninspired and lost for the following 2 years. We used to go on late night drives, often driving through Downtown.  Every time I was overcome by inspiration, so we followed that.  We agreed to move Downtown, and if that didn't work maybe it was time to retreat back to the homeland.  

Boy did I fall hard. Downtown hit me like an incoming tide on a full moon.  It was everything I had ever wanted in a home.  From the coffee shop, to the constant introductions to young creatives, and finally living in a modern home where the the cabinets haven't been painted so many times that they stick shut.  Everything was perfect. 

Fast forward a bit.  New girl (lets chalk this one up to a temporary laps in judgment), new dog, looking for a career change, but still downtown.  I saw downtown changing, knew I was not nearly educated enough to get into politics, but knew I wanted to be involved.  I met my boss Cedd who has been credited with changing the face of Downtown via the hospitality industry.  From the moment I took that job, my life changed.  From that moment on, my identity was tied completely with Downtown. 

Alexis followed a similar path of moving downtown far before the bars, restaurants, and general social acceptance.  She was as much a downtowner as I.  So when the time came that we started talking about buying a home, we naturally started looking downtown. We looked, we were even in escrow for months on a Downtown loft.  Each time we looked though, I couldn't get over the price, the current status downtown (a whole other post in it self), and a general feeling of maybe it not being the right decision. 

We ended up finding a loft as close to Downtown as possible without actually being in Downtown. Naturally, I spent the next 30 days of escrow waking up in the middle of the night in a panic about how I sold my soul and I might as well be moving to Downey. It was utterly terrifying, my identity was completely tied to the community I lived, worked, and created in.  

The night we moved into our new home, I remember sitting and thinking about how the next morning I was going to have to make a cup of coffee or get in the car.  Both options seemed painfully primitive. I couldn't sleep at night because it was so quiet.  There were no bars letting out at 2am, no girls screaming at the top of their lungs as if their friends were six blocks away, no fights...just silence. 

A funny thing happened in that silence, I developed intent.  I stoped mindlessly eating out, I stopped letting random bump-ins with acquaintances pass as socializing.  I started calling my friends, making an effort to spend time together.  Most important of all though, I was inspired by my new environment.  I am not saying that this is not possible Downtown, but this change in surroundings was the exact shake up I needed. 

Flash forward a few months and our neighborhood now has a coffee shop.  There is a group art show one block away that has generated more buzz than any show I have seen in a long time.  We went to a supper club type dinner 2 blocks away and my mind was blown.  The dinner was full of young people passionate about food, art, and motorcycles.  I felt like I had found Downtown all over again.  In that very moment I realized that I wasn't in love with Downtown, I was in love with living on the fringes.  Living where people are doing what they love, doing what feels right instead of doing what makes sense.  Home is where the weirdo's live.  Home is where you are inspired.  

I am happy to say that I have found home again, and I look forward to finding it over and over. 

p.s-It is a $4 Lyft into downtown whenever I need to feel a little bit of nostalgia (or its Mon.-Fri. and I have to go to work. 

PS